I am a seed


 
 
I bought a new CD last night and this song was on it.  It brought me a huge smile.  After my last post, God has continued to work in me.  I have begun realizing that I have a lot of damage in my heart that I didn't realize I hadn't dealt with.  I have had 12 or 13 years of woundings to uncover and face!  When Jeff and I met, we were in a real difficult situation.  God brought us through that together so that in the end, we could be married and live an amazing life together and have an awesome little family! 
 
Both of us had pain that we had dealt with but hadn't ripped the bandage completely off before we moved on. I think we all do that.  We'll deal with a part of the problems we bare but we leave a bit untouched that we hang onto! That's the area of our heart that's ours, not Gods!  Ya know what I mean?
 
Then we went through some ministry situations that were painful.  More times of being let down by "Christians" and being left to wonder why people are this way. 
 
Then we started our new journey that ended ubruptly because of health.  I ended that journey feeling emptied, trampled down and defeated.  I hold amazing memories of the last year of ministry and I hold zero regrets because GOD MOVED! He was in it! But it was over... that's what I couldn't except!
 
Then he started speaking to me!  He made me realize it was time to believe! Time to expect!  The past is the past and today is a new day!  Last night, I sat in the van listening to this song and I was overcome with joy!  It brought back an amazing memory! Before all the hard times hit (13 or 14 years ago), someone had spoken a word to me!  They spoke that God was planting me beside the river of life and my roots were running deep! I was going to become a strong tree that could not be broken. I just needed to drink and soak it in! 
 
Then to hear this song!  "Oh I've been pushed down into the ground. Oh how I have been trampled down..."  That's what I have felt!  but it goes on... "Lord I put my trust in thee, you won't turn your back on me. Oh I am a seed!"  That's when it hit me.  That's what I am!  The last 12 or 13 years have been a life lesson and I am a seed!  I hold the victory.  This time in life... this is simply for me to drink and let my roots grow deep because I have been planted by the river of life!  My God has everything in hand! 
 
So, I listened to this song several more times and I soaked in the truth!  I am a seed!  God will grow me!  This season is to rest and let the roots grow deep because I am gonna rise up a tree!
 
Love you papa!
Your little seed... thirsty and growing!!



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