Perspective...

Chronic illness changes everything... it changes your outlook, your feelings, your desires, it changes the way you view life... it changes your perspective...

In Ecclesiastes 3 it says,

"There is an appointed time for everything.
And there is a time for every event under heaven—
2 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance...."

Today as I spoke with two very special friends... two people I adore and look up to who also fight the life of chronic illness... It dawned on me... there is a time for everything in our lives!  It sucks (and yep... we say sucks because that is the healthiest most innocent word we can use and every other word would be much worse for what we battle)... but it sucks to face the realities some times.  It sucks to see the seasons ebb and flow in our lives... But as those seasons do change and look different, our outlook... our perspective changes.  

Today, I cheered with two different friends.  I cheered with them for things that most would sit back and say, "Well, that's terrible news. This is a step back, not a step forward!" but in our world... we don't look at the steps forward and backwards any more. They'd eat us alive! In our word, we look at the quality of our lives and we celebrate ANYTHING that makes that quality better even if it is technically a step backwards, it truly is about quality of our lives! 

I know for me, when I started therapy, I went into  it hoping that we could do some form of a wheel chair or power chair that would help me be more of a part of my kids lives.  They saw that right away and before I even asked, they brought that issue up on their own.  But also, they brought up getting Herbie (my Rollator walker... yes... He has a name!) and I was broken. I struggled to hold back the tears trough my entire appointment wondering how on Earth I was going to cope with this and as I walked out that day... I crumbled to tears. I felt devastation because someone was seeing what I was feeling. It became a painful reality to me.  BUT... as I stood in therapy last week and my PT (physical therapist) walked with me using Herbie and adjusted Herbie to fit me more appropriately, She said, "You know, the goal here... you and I both know I can't fix your fatigue or your weakness... we can hope to give you a bit more endurance but even that isn't promised, but we can help you find ways to make the quality of your life better..." and then... it sunk in.  I need to look at Herbie as my life preserver. I need to see this as a change to give me back those moments I'm missing.  

I told one of my dear friends today that I needed something to cheer for and when I stopped and looked... when I changed my perspective, it dawned on me! I have a reason to cheer.  I've taken Abby with me to the store just down the road from us and I've always been like... lets hurry it up! Because I was in pain and I was too tired to stand there.  She's been begging for me to take her there and buy make up and teach her how to put it on nice and today... I did that.  I did it with Herbies help!  

So, here I am.... I am getting pieces of life back that many don't appreciate because they're the small things in life, but I see them as HUGE times to celebrate.  I got to help my baby girl pick her make up out and I got to enjoy it because I had the support of something I once thought I should grieve.  So... Yes.  These changes are SO HARD and SO SCARY and have happened SO QUICKLY... but if I embrace that which makes my life better... why grieve?  Why not embrace it and live life to the fullest... Will I have bad days? Do we have the right for bad days? Do we will get to be sad and cry? YES! Because without that... no one would ever be healthy because there is a season for everything... a time to mourn and a time to celebrate!  But!! Have the bad day and then embrace quality of life to the best you can and live with Joy! 

The journeys of one mom,
Embracing the adventures of Herbie.... 

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